*Disclaimer – statements made in this media announcement are fictitious. Happy April Fool’s Day!
Alcatel-Lucent Enterprise products to fully adopt Roman numeral naming convention
ALE, operating under the Alcatel-Lucent Enterprise brand, today announced it is introducing a new naming convention for all of its product-lines.* Effective immediately, Alcatel-Lucent branded products will use Roman numerals rather than Arabic numbers in their names.
According to the up and coming market research house ICD, release numbers greater than "10" suffer from a precipitous decline in market relevance, citing examples like Windows 10, Bo Derek and the Verizon 10 Ellipsis tablet.
Stephane Robineau, EVP and General Manager, ALE Networking Business division, stated, “After considering the market data and consulting with my senior team, we decided we could avoid this decline by avoiding Arabic numbers entirely.”
Subash Bohra, product line manager for the Alcatel-Lucent OmniSwitch CX ̅, stated that “this will prevent a lot of wear and tear on my “9” and “0” keys”.
Taking this one step further, Matthieu Destot, EVP and GM, ALE Communications Business division, is announcing that in addition to adopting the Roman numeral naming convention, the communications portfolios will henceforth be rebranded as Alcatel-Lucent Aperire Tactus™ (latin for OpenTouch®).
Rabih Abou-Chakra, head of the Terminals Business Unit, could not be reached for comment about the new Alcatel-Lucent ¯VMMMDCCC Premium DeskPhone, saying only that he “has a lot of updates to make to datasheets and presentations”.
Communications and IT director Zippy Arc at Color Spectrum Hotels shared, “This type of innovation is what clinched the deal for us to select Alcatel-Lucent Enterprise products.”
Industry analyst Zeus Kerravala, ZK Research, stated that “ALE is the first and only vendor to use Roman numerals for its product naming. This is a real game changer.” Current Analysis called the direction “a real head scratcher”, but nevertheless evaluated the announcement as “Very Threatening”.
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